Extra terrestrial messages from an endangered species

Well, alright, it’s me really. But I am.

“What is that daft old git talking about?” You would be well within your rights to make that comment, even if it is fairly disrespectful. “So, explain yourself!” you ejaculate (?).

Alright, I will. On your own head be it. Whatever ‘It’ is.

There are few weeks go by that I don’t look inside an amp and wish for x-ray vision. Or at least an electron microscope. You can at this point visualise me (not a pretty sight) squinting at a piece of circuit board with 574 components on it. That will easily fit in my tea cup. It’s about at this point that I go to the many sites on the Wonderful Web that stack up schematics. An hour after that I’ve pulled all my hair out and am just starting on my toenails. Shortly following that, the innocent-looking pcb is in the fire bucket and I’m stomping off kettle-wards.

I started my apprenticeship in 1963. It lasted five years but I had expired well before that. (“In your dreams, mate”). It was intended to be an electrical engineering apprenticeship at the outset, but fate stepped in and after two shakes of a dead lamb’s tail it became an industrial electronics apprenticeship. This was in spite of the fact that industrial electronics and electrical engineering are as mutually compatible as bulldogs and arses.

The reason for this metamorphosis was pig ignorance by those leading the way for the electrical department, coupled with my own brand of pig ignorance. Not forgetting that electronics gear was flooding through the doors like a blizzard and there was nobody in the factory knew any more about it than how to fit a plug on the end. So I finished up at Chesterfield Technical College for seven interminable years.

So how does that equate to anything relevant to the topic? In 1963 valves (which had been around for, say, forty years plus) were being gradually supplanted by semiconductors. At the time transistors were mostly germanium and blew if placed near a stiff breeze. Whereas, valves had evolved about as far as they were going to. (The duodecatron valve was about the most complex and the mercury-arc rectifier the most powerful. In a darkened room the mercury-arc looked like something Frankenstein might have relaxed in.)

The point being (There’s a point?) that the folks who had the misfortune to be involved in electronics at the time, and also throughout the following sixty years or so, found themselves on a technological ice flow whose shape and constitution was changing almost week to week. There was no way anybody could usefully design a course to accommodate electronics servicing, because for the next decades it was changing in ways that few people could guess the direction of.

And the motivation for these technological changes was largely the pursuit of excellence. Most pursuits currently in vogue are running after greater and greater….errm…profit margins. And compared to those decades just mentioned, the changes that happen these days are painfully slow and usually restricted to being able to put more pins on a chip you can scarcely see. The ideas don’t change much at all.

I have designed a spectacularly useful electronics service course though, for current electronic repairs. I’ve called it ‘How to Plug In a New PCB”. You can do an endorsement to this which I’ve called “How to throw it Away and Buy Another One.” To keep abreast of current new ideas, we have the course entitled ‘How to Paint it a Different Colour’.

It’s very obvious that the situation will never again exist that involves living and learning through the changes that had so many ideas developing at such an extraordinary rate. The digital age has solidified like grease in a chip pan and its developments (personal opinion) are shams of convenience. But we can always expect something faster; and paint it a different colour.

There must be a kettle round here somewhere. And….a macaroon?